wat happen to me?

raining early in the morning..was tired..so after my 8am lec, i came back to sleep..tt;s the adv of hostel..

dun really know wat to do for my proj..kinda stucked..& not much time left for me..regretted the time wasted in 1st sem where due to some reasons..i felt reluctant to go back to lab..i felt stupid..my mum told me too..nvm..a lesson to be learnt..

i felt tt i did little for my proj..kept repeating the same thing..seen my labmates doing more things..though nt successful but they tried..i was like stucked & had no advice given..i know it's individual..but the tot of no advice & no one to turn to is sickening..though i haf my boss..but still...i can;t be asking him every single little thing..

had a long talk with him..regretted a lot of things nv consult him..he got other ways of doing expt..seem tt the best thing to do now is to recap on wt i haf done..maybe i see light in old spectra..need to embark on new things..i wld love to..but no time..& i suddenly feel no one to consult..but nvm..i shd learn to grow up..i can manage on my own..juz the tot of HIM i juz dun feel gd..dun understand why he nv lend a helping hand when i'm in need & be more concerned with others' work..i still mind afterall..i felt stupid..anyway i shd let go of everything..to become better me..

felt so sucky of my mod..i can;t understand a single word..tryin hard..i shd buck up soon..stop being lazy..my last sem..i hope i can buck up..

juz dunno wat happen to me at night..i felt low..felt nt welcomed..the adv of hostel is..when i wan to cry my whole heart out, mum will not know & worry..but now is..i wan to cry to relieve but cant..hopefully i'l get better with some sleep..

boss was asking hwee:"wat the meaning of teaching?" a small debate on it..if students dun learn, did u teach? interesting qnz..i feel if we haf tried all views of conveying the knowledge..u r a gd teacher..one thing tt boss had made a gd pt is "is teaching using 100 different types of mtds to lecture or using 100 different types of mtds to impart knowledge?" he asked"if i give lec to an empty classroom, so i taught?" then chang hong was crapping: "well tt's depends on whether u believe the existence of ghosts?" faintz..but boss was right to bring it up coz nowsadays i felt tt there are more teachers who are juz doing their own jobs & nt to impart knowlegde..i know i dun really can handle the kids so i won't plunge into teaching rightaway..

wanting to run tmr morning but morning last min got some talk to attend..haiz..there goes my running..afternoon too hot or might rain..sianz..no running today till sun..

sth happen fang yi makes me ponder..i think we belong to the same cat..bad temper..loves sports..but she is more ultimate..i will be scared when i got injury & will be more careful not to re-injury..but her..she knows she needs to control her strength..but she still wont..tt time when i got my spine injury(nt sure..might be more of spine muscles)..i was so scared tt i imagined me nt able to walk..not able to play sports anymore..the fear is terrifying..the tot of nt walking is enough to make me tremble..after 1yr, i still train & play sports..but when come to hip throwing, i still haf the fear..but becoz of tt, i know the correct way to land properly on the mats..still the fear is there..as such, i felt sometimes i cldn't progress..coz i haf tt fear in me..now still afraid it acts up..sometimes running will make my back feels weird..fang yi said her therapist commented she got weak joints..fingers can bend backwards..me too..so i haf weak joints?maybe..but sometimes i think if i got dislocation, i wld be devastated bahz..coz i wld need to refrain from playing sports..i understand her situation..i'm grateful tt i still can play sports..